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Hi folks! Uh, obviously, it's been a long time since I've been on LJ. Tumblr ate my life. But! I am back for a bit (and then hopefully more, to post random thoughts and also fics, because I miss my LJ peeps).

I want to signal boost fandomaid's latest campaign to raise money after the earthquake in Nepal. They're doing a 'Buy It Now' round to get things moving quickly. Those of you who are creators of things (fic, art, crafts, food, podfic, other things too probably) can offer whatever you feel comfortable with. Those of you who have some money to give can make donations to a relevant charity of your choice AND receive awesome things. If you are neither of those things, you can still signal boost!




My thread is here, and I'm offering two fics in various fandoms (including White Collar). There are a lot of other offers already there--come look at all the awesomeness!

i could probably be more boring if i tried

Today was a therapy day. Therapist was a bit hippy-dippy today, very “Trust that the universe will unfold the way it’s supposed to!” but also we talked a lot about not living our lives based on what society and other people THINK we should be doing, and instead be ok with ourselves the way we are.

I have an MFA in a field that I don’t think I want to be involved in. Today’s revelation: Maybe it’s not that I’m a failure at it, maybe it’s just not something I can do while maintaining a happy and healthy life for myself outside of that work.

I could very happily do administrative-type work the rest of my life. The fact that I’m currently holding down a job, walking my dog twice a day (almost every day, I’ve been getting SO MUCH BETTER), working on sorting my bipolar meds, and talking to my happy therapy lady who’s a hippy but maybe not wrong, is good. My dad said he was proud of me the last time I was home, which. Well. My dad says “I love you” a lot, mostly scrawled on postcards, but the fact that he’s proud of me for getting through this first year in MN where I’m still mostly friendless, working a part-time job, and taking each day at a time—means a fuck of a lot.

I was just raised to believe that you should give as much as you have, and do as much for your community as you can, and so the fact that for the past year I’ve been mostly focussing on keeping myself above water is not in my life-plan. The fact that this coming year might follow the same pattern makes me feel terrible, and guilty, because if I’m not doing good things for other people, what the hell good am I?

After therapy I went to a bakery and bought two cupcakes.

They are gone now.

Tomorrow morning I’ll probably go out for huevoes rancheros because my brain is rly fucking confused and comfort food helps.

 
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Amnesty

So, for May, I am giving myself a pass.

I don’t have to write anything.
I don’t have to respond to any comments. 
I don’t have to keep up with everyone’s LJs/DWs/tumblrs/twitters.

I want fandom and writing to be a source of joy, not stress, and I’ve made it into something I HAVE to do instead of letting it be something I WANT to do.

So: I may see you periodically over the next couple of weeks. I may not. But I’ll for sure see you June 1st.

Love love love,
HB

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Tags:

Title: A New Ritual
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Stiles/Derek
Content Advisory: Uh. Knotting. Rimming. Rimming with half-shifted wolf tongue, because, uh, it'd be long and flexible and strong and I know I'm going to hell but whatever Stiles is going there with me.
Notes: This is entirely the fault of [personal profile] rabidchild67, who, on a day when I was whining because I didn’t know what to write, said “Knotting porn!” And then came weeks of me agonizing over whether there were too many feelings, or not enough feelings, or if the feelings were in the right place, or how many times I should make Stiles come. GODDAMNIT RC. (Also inspired by this post on tumblr.)
Spoilers: This is basically in a canonless universe. A vague reference to the Darach. That's it.
Thanks: Thanks to [personal profile] shadowen for the wonderful beta, who made this part so much better (any remaining mistakes are completely mine). Also thanks toivorysilkfor putting up with my fail!flail.

Summary: They don't know what it means, but they know that it feels right.

*

Read more...Collapse )

Feedback is appreciated!

book recs?

I haven't been reading much lately (well, of the non-internet variety) and I'd like to do more. I have intermittent periods of really long down time at work that I could fill up with reading. But I feel like a runner prepping for a marathon--like, "Great Expectations" was unexpectedly hilarious but scattered, "Wuthering Heights" was scary but not a good book to read while being often interrupted, "Hawkeye: Little Hits" was adorable but v. short.

SO.

The book I just finished was "Unspoken" by Sarah Rees Brennan. It's part of a trilogy, I've got #2 on the way through ILL. It's a teen gothic romance mystery novel type thing? Only really good. Her last trilogy, "Demon's Lexicon," was a rollercoaster of awesome, and I loved it.

PLEASE RECOMMEND MORE?

I LIKE:sci-fi/fantasty (including urban fastasy)/Young Adult is fine/and not-sad-fiction. Preferably by female writers. I like Patricia McKillip, Robin McKinley, Terry Pratchett, Mercedes Lackey, Tamora Piece, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Tanya Huff.

Are there any books that are top of your list that you'd recommend for right now, or that you think I should stick on my goodreads for later?

THANKS SO MUCH! MUCH MUCH MUCH LOVE!

Uh, returning the love, my fave books:
1) Woman on the Edge of Time by Marge Piercy
2) The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russel
3) Wolf Hall & Bring up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel (OH GOD THEY'RE SO GOOD--only first book and sequel to win the Man Booker prize--AND I'M SO HISTORY DUMB THAT IDK WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT WITH THE BOLEYNS SO DON'T SPOIL ME BITCHES THE THIRD BOOK'S GONNA COME OUT SOMEDAY SOON PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE)

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Tags:

Title: made this place a home
Fandom: Avengers
Series: Dyslexia 'verse (Comprehensive links at the end!)
Rating: R
Pairing: Clint/Coulson
Content Advisory: Clint dealing with grief and dyslexia (and some self-esteem issues about the dyslexia).
Notes: I can't believe this is actually finished. There may be filler parts later, or timestamps (I am working on an "Each Avenger Finds Out About Clint's Dyslexia" fic), but this is the end of the main arc. It's been over a year. Wow. If anyone ever wants to play in this ‘verse (like the lovely [personal profile] arsenicjade has) you are more than welcome.
Spoilers: This matches canon up to the Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D premiere, and has spoilers for the first episode.
Thanks: Thanks to [personal profile] miriad for the wonderful beta, who made this part so much better (any remaining mistakes are completely mine). And thank you to everyone who's read this series and supported me through this process. It's been a crazy ride.

Summary: Coulson comes back from the dead. Clint's not sure how he feels about that.

*

Clint goes to the doorway, his arrow aimed at heart-level, and sees Phil leaning against his desk.Collapse )

Thank you for reading.

This part:
DW
LJ
AO3

Entire series:
DW
LJ
AO3
Title: nerds are sexy (and so are orgasms)
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Series: Trust and Consequences
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Derek/Stiles
Content Advisory: Stiles is 17. Eventual D/s. Discussion of body issue images resulting from Derek's relationship with Kate.

Summary: Stiles and Derek have a problem. Stiles is going to get to Derek's dick via research.

He organizes his piles of papers. He"s going to do this. (And then, hopefully, they"re going to do it, with "it" being a mutually satisfying sexual experience.)Collapse )

Feedback is appreciated! (This is it for today, but there's more written in the series already.)

I also have a tumblr now!
Title: unfamiliar things
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Series: Trust and Consequences
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Derek/Stiles
Content Advisory: Stiles is 17. Eventual D/s. References to Derek's unhealthy past relationship with Kate.

Summary: Stiles hangs around after they finish up, giving Scott a flimsy excuse about looking up some Hale family talismans with Derek. It's an obvious lie, but Scott just glances between the two of them, exchanges a separate glance with Stiles, and leads the rest of the pack out.

Scott"s trust is an unfamiliar thing.Collapse )

I also have a tumblr now!

Feedback is appreciated.
Title: take care, take care, take care
Series: Trust and Consequences
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Derek/Stiles
Content Advisory: Stiles is 17, eventually D/s elements to their relationship.
Notes: Title is taken from an Explosions in the Sky song.


Summary: Derek takes care of Stiles as much as he can.


Stiles has been looking pale lately.Collapse )

I also have a tumblr now!
Dear car,

I know it's cold. I would rather be in bed under blankets too! I'm sorry I forced you out of the driveway and into the freezing unknown of the rest of the world.

So if you'll TURN BACK ON, I'll drive you straight back home. I promise.

(It doesn't help that the power just went out for this entire area & there's nowhere warm I can wait while making TOW ME TO SAFETY! calls.)

Please, car? Retty, pretty please?

Lovelovepleasepleaseplease,
HB

AW NOW THERE'S TWO BIRDS CHILLIN' ON MY WINDSHIELD WIPER. #silverlining
Title: The Whole (Care) Package
Fandom: Avengers/White Collar crossover
Series: Prison 'Verse
Rating: NC-17
Pairings/Characters: Clint/Coulson, canon pairings from WC & Avengers.
Content Advisory: This story won't make sense without reading the first part. READ THE WARNINGS ON THE FIRST PART. This is just more of the same 'verse.
Thanks: ihearttwojacks for the wonderful beta job!

Notes: This is a sequel to Like an Arrow Through a Flock of Doves, an Avengers/White Collar crossover that arsenicjade and I wrote last October. This continuation was written because AJ is incredibly generous, and had folks sponsor her hc_bingo card with donations to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Thank you, lady_om and pierrot_dreams for the donation and prompt!

Part One: Like an Arrow Through a Flock of Doves

The new part can be found on:
LJ
DW
AO3

I also have a tumblr now!
IGNORE THIS POST

An updated and edited version is farther up on the page.

there"s still sexytimes under the cut.Collapse )

You can find my tumblr here, and erinpond's post here!

what i'm not doing this at work you are

Poll #1954714 Fandoms

What fandoms are you interested in?

White Collar
42(30.0%)
Avengers
25(17.9%)
Teen Wolf
19(13.6%)
Leverage
14(10.0%)
Friday Night Lights
1(0.7%)
Star Trek (Reboot)
19(13.6%)
OTHER AND I AM OFFENDED THAT THERE IS NO CLICKY BOX FOR ME
20(14.3%)

Where else do you fandom?

Dreamwidth
22(24.7%)
Tumblr
29(32.6%)
Twitter
16(18.0%)
Pinterest
2(2.2%)
Dude IDEK any other options
7(7.9%)
...Vine? That's a thing, right?
0(0.0%)
OTHER, you poor clueless thing.
13(14.6%)

What's your favorite genre of fic?

PORNS
36(18.1%)
Case!fic
16(8.0%)
ANGST :(
27(13.6%)
HC :-( & :-)
40(20.1%)
Humor
20(10.1%)
Gen
16(8.0%)
Backstories
19(9.5%)
Team!fics
16(8.0%)
OTHER WHY DID YOU EXCLUDE ME AGAIN BITCH
9(4.5%)

Which do you prefer:

Dick
10(20.8%)
Cock
36(75.0%)
Penis
2(4.2%)


I forgot to list AO3 under "places where you fandom" and can't figure out how to edit the poll, so comment plz if that's true for you...
Title: Single Parent, Multiple Problems
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Derek/Stiles from the Sheriff's POV.
Rating: PG-13
Notes: This is kind of mid-season 2? Erica and Boyd are alive, but Melissa and John know about werewolves. Also, I went with 'John' as a first name, because it's pretty impossible to write from the pov of someone with no first name.
Thanks: Y'all. You don't even understand. This fic is 217% better than it was before my betas got their hands on it. It has scene set-ups and commas and the correct spelling of Camaro and EVERYTHING. Thank you so much, [personal profile] miriad and The Beta Who Shall Not Be Named (...because she has no LJ). You are amazing. Any mistakes left are completely my fault.

Summary: Derek tries really hard to do the right thing, Stiles thinks Derek's idea of the right thing is the wrong thing, and John does his best to help.

*

"Is, uh--is Stiles home?" Hale is staring at the ground and his shoulders are so tense that John"s tempted to say "Boo!" just to see what"ll happen.Collapse )

*

If you have the time, feedback is really appreciated!

I can also be found on livejournal, AO3, and tumblr.

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i just quit my job

I just e-mailed in my letter of resignation.

I'm now working only one part-time job. This is the least I've worked since...May, I think? Not counting the beginning of January, when I was bedridden with the sciatica/back pain from the herniated disc. It's so much better, but acts up if I sit for too long, or sit in bad chairs. (WHICH, ALSO, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SHITTY CHAIRS IN THE WORLD? Shouldn't we have figured out CHAIRS by now? Jeez.)

I have enough money to make February's rent. And my folks will help me out if I can't make March's. I've had really good luck getting jobs so far (I apply like a fiend and I interview well). Hopefully I'll find something good by mid-February. That's my yay!plan. My back-up plan, if all else fails, is to move to St. Louis, where my parents have an empty floor in their house, and will trade me walking their three ridiculous dogs twice a day for rent money.

Since I've been in school for so many years, and moved around so much, this is only the second time I've had to quit a job for a reason other than "Soon, I will be in a different state!"

I'm going to go bury my stress in coffee and teen!Clint meeting teen!Natasha, then proudly bringing her back to Coulson like a cat leaving a mouse on the doorstep. "LOOK WHAT I BRUNG YOU! Whoops it's still alive and has claws and teeth. I LOVE IT EVEN MORE PLEASE CAN WE KEEP IT?"

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Pay attention, Potter.

I have been having a crazy productive few days, and have finished and/or written four fics that need beta'ing before posting. When I have too many fics in my "To Post" mental file, I have a hard time focusing on new stuff. IDK, does anyone else feel that way?

Things I need betas for:

1) 2,700 word "Clint safewords" fic
2) 12,000 word Pepper/Steve/Tony fic
3) 2,000 word dyslexic!Clint COULSON LIVES finale
4) 4,200 word Teen Wolf Sheriff POV of developing Sterek.

Any volunteers? You can comment here, PM me, or shoot me an email at whoisyourb@gmail.com.

In other news: MN is so cold that the weather warning is basically, "GO OUTSIDE AND YOUR FACE WILL FREEZE OFF." I get that the National Weather Service is giving us important information, and that they need the general public to take it seriously, but they always put their releases in capslock which makes me feel like a drill sergeant is yelling at me.

A WIND CHILL WARNING MEANS THE COMBINATION OF VERY COLD AIR AND STRONG WINDS WILL CREATE DANGEROUSLY LOW WIND CHILL VALUES. THIS WILL RESULT IN FROST BITE AND LEAD TO HYPOTHERMIA OR DEATH IF PRECAUTIONS ARE NOT TAKEN.

From now on, in my head, I'm going to pretend it's Professor Snape reading it to Harry Potter. "This will result in...frost bite. And lead to hypothermia, or," raised eyebrow, "death. If...precautions...are not taken. Now open your books to page 394."

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Title: Abel Had It Easy
Fandom: Avengers
Series: Dyslexia!Verse. Chronologically this comes first, but it also works fine as a standalone.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Child abuse and neglect, minor canon character violence and deaths (not Coulson’s!), and a character with dyslexia being treated insensitively. If you need more information about potential triggers, please PM me and I’ll be happy to help.
Pairing: Gen (later in the ‘verse, Clint/Coulson)
Notes: This is Barney’s side of the backstory, drawing heavily from Jim McCann’s series, Hawkeye: Blindspot, where he makes all the abusive backstory canon.

Summary: A lot of Barney’s stories started pretty much the same way. Dad was drunk, and then… And then, and then, and then.

“You learn also that life has a sick sense of humor. Everything it gives you can explode in your face. And like that, you learn you can be orphaned, over and over again.”
—Clint, from Hawkeye: Blindspot
Dad was drunk.Collapse )

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You can also find me here on tumblr!
This is just part of what I think will turn into a longer Derek/Stiles fic.

Also, WHY IS THERE NO TEEN WOLF KINK MEME? That's always how I find my groove in new fandoms. I AM SO LOST. Prompt me? I have many Derek feels. And Stiles feels. And Derek-damaged-by-Kate feels. And a weird love for Tyler Hoechlin's smile, which, if Derek ever smiled like that, I think the show would combust and die.

ANYWAY.

Laura dies in Beacon Hills.Collapse )
BTW, this was first posted on my new tumblr, which is here. It's mostly a combo of Teen Wolf/Leverage/White Collar love, with a side of Clint/Coulson.
*blinks blearily at the screen*

I feel like a sleepy hermit crab. I want to withdraw into my shell and snore little air bubbly bubbles because in this simile I live underwater. IDK if real hermit crabs do that.

*looks at google*

Eh let's say yes they do.

I'm working a half-shift at the theatre tonight. My first time back to work since I hurt my back on New Years Eve. Year's? Years. I hope my back & energy levels are up for it. I shall soon find out!

Afterwards I'm going home to kick my Steve/Tony/Pepper fic until they have a good first date so I can finally just write a fucking sex scene. There's gonna be so much boob kissing in this scene, y'all. And arc reactor licking. And buttock squeezing. THEY'RE ALL SO FIT.

Maybe I'll *handwavey plot* the first date and just tumble them into bed together.

If only that was an option in real life.

Grr. GET INTO BED, ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE. STOP WITH YOUR PERSONALITIES AND ISSUES AND JUST START LEAVING HICKEYS ON STEVE ROGERS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. 

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